Euphoria(the pursuit of Happiness)_ I'd rather stay spent

                                                       

LOVE'S LABYRINTH

  

 In life, there’s always a phase that presents itself with a dilemma regarding our love or relationship choices. Sure every girl & guy has a varying list of attributes they want in their dream partner, all based on their unique personalities or preferences. Some people are lucky enough to find people who satisfy their earnest emotional longing, some people find the ones who meet them halfway, & others compromise due to uncertainty, fear, or lack of a better option. Some people who felt lucky from the start of their seemingly perfect choice get a rude awakening pertaining to their choice, while those who didn’t necessarily get all their boxes ticked at the beginning may end up being the ones with the last laugh down the line. Hence a lot of times in life, we’re faced with the torture of choice regarding partners. Life is unpredictable, & humans are dynamic agents that are subject to change; some change for better & others for worse, & whosover one chooses to share their lives with directly affects the trajectory of their existence and being. This is what makes this subject matter very important, being that it is a risky venture, which if gotten right is totally worth it. It goes vice versa if gotten wrong, after all, they say, it is the end that justifies the means.. some make it out of the bad union alive, albeit broken, with scars, experiences, lessons & sometimes a silver lining, which may appear in different forms. Some aren’t fortunate to make it out alive, which is sad. So what do we do?

 Well, the whole idea boils down to the concept of  knowing and getting. When a girl or a guy meets a person they have sparks for, whether it happened immediately or along the line, & the spark develops deeper, it brings an intense feeling of euphoria and contentment .. this is especially if the feeling is mutual on both sides(I usually call such people “God’s favorites"). 

There are also other people who meet the ones they love, but feelings are not mutual, in this case, there will always be a hollow or longing from both parties for more. Now, we are going to analyze this subject matter using the concept of “knowing and getting”. Let’s get this straight, you can never love someone into loving you back unless they choose to consciously open up their hearts to you, & mostimes it doesn’t work because it is beyond their willpower to make that happen. People’s idea of love and likeness is based on their true personalities. If you’re a calm individual who happens to be in a relationship with someone who loves a vibrant personality, you’ll keep missing the bullseye of that person’s heart no matter how hard you try or how good you may be in other things.  Meanwhile, there could be some other person who wants you the way you are, but you may on the other hand, not love this person but rather the one who doesn’t love the real you. Humans are very diverse & complex creatures, you could see someone who appears calm and levelheaded but you’d be shocked to see this person’s alter ego & to know that what turns them on is someone or something entirely different from their outward persona. Best believe, that for the most outlandish variety of persons to the most normal ones, there’s an equal for them out there, a piece that fits perfectly into their personalities like a puzzle. That’s where you find the concept of 
“getting". 

Getting is when one doesn’t have to try too hard to win a person's heart, it just comes naturally. The vibe, the flow, the connection, the PASSION. Knowing is a situation where u find someone who loves you, you have the friendship, it could be someone who you bear all your secrets to, who knows a part of you others don’t, & adores you despite it all, but still doesn’t Get you. Getting you in terms of hitting the bullseye of your heart or emotions. This is where you get folks say things like, it’s always the ones you don’t like getting it right, or things like why can’t A just be like B. Sometimes you find a person who has someone loving up on them & literally worshipping the ground they walk on, but then they don’t feel the same way, not even in the slightest about that person, & they’d end up loving & going crazy for the one who treats them like nothing or doesn’t measure up to the one treating them right. It makes you wonder, what the hell is going on?! Some people try to force the affection but it still doesn’t stick. You see, most times, we attract what we are. If one is in a dysfunctional state of mind or has low self-esteem, we tend to attract or accept things that hurt us. Your ability to choose right & well(that’s when fate or chance doesn’t do it for you) is dependent on your state of mind. You could be a good person but you attract bad people. Why? Because goodness is a double-edged sword & It all starts with your mind. If you’re a naturally good person, but you’re suffering from childhood or psychological traumas like abandonment, attachment issues or good ol Stockholm syndrome, then you’ll always find yourself in situations & with people who trigger that part of you.. unless you heal. When someone is good, that’s a virtue, but the ability to wield good by holding it from its shrapnel is a skill that makes it a strength. If you’re a good person who loves yourself, works on your mental health, and consciously makes an effort to be kind to yourself, you won’t tolerate a person who doesn’t make an honest effort for you, gives you less or gives you the opposite of what you deserve. However, if you keep wielding good from the sharp end, it ends up hurting you, making it a weakness. This illustration should be the basis of your sober reflection on similar scenarios. The major difference between getting & knowing is PASSION. In getting there's passion, in knowing there’s safety. Most people are wired for what is exciting & that is why we’ll naturally prefer passion which is exciting, to safety which is comparatively boring. After all, what is life without all the excitement & thrill, someone who makes your heart “feel alive”, not just “come alive”…note the difference. Knowing is a unique kind of intimacy that comes with knowledge of a particular thing or person & you come about this knowledge by commitment & effort. This spells dedication, sacrifice & patience. Whereas getting doesn’t necessarily involve this commitment, it’s something that comes naturally either by instincts, aptitude or just attraction & this is what turns people on the most. When it’s effortless or natural, it seems more authentic & resonates with the rawest part of our emotions. However, Getting might not always be sustainable. Why? Because a person who knows you put in commitment & effort, which makes them cherish you more. Whereas, someone who Gets you does it without necessarily applying effort & commitment which in some cases could result in a weak foundation, lacking long-term sustainability. In a case where Getting comes first, Knowing has to be in tow to make the relationship sustainable. Knowing on the other hand has little or no chance of becoming Getting, hence even if a person is your closest friend in the world, they might still not be able to spark the passion in you like Getting does, therefore leaving the glass empty even though it might be clean & attractive. In Getting, the glass was half filled, but at least it had something to quench the thirst even though it might have been in the wrong condition like a filthy glass & will most likely finish quickly since it isn’t fully filled with Knowing. Drinking from a filthy glass could be harmful, even though you’re getting momentary satisfaction, it could be a slow poison. As the saying goes, it is what we love that sometimes kills us. 

If you have to choose because you aren’t lucky enough to have it all at first, then just know it all depends on what comes as a priority to you as an individual in response to your present state of mind & condition; the exciting passion or the calm safety. The ultimate goal is peace and satisfaction. If you find a love that’s healthy, has passion or potential for passion & also offers safety, fight for it, and protect it. 

Unfortunately, sometimes this love comes, when our hearts are not right, seeking something else that may be less or inferior..in this case, it’s best to get your priorities right, look beyond the present & wisely weigh your pros & cons. Whichever you choose isn’t exclusively wrong or right, as nothing is set in stone, but you must be prepared to bear the weight or result of whichever choice, whether it turns out positive or negative. It would be best to let your choice be influenced internally based on personal safety, a healthy state of mind & self-love. However, if you choose to allow your choice to be influenced by that momentary intoxicating euphoria, decide to stick by that decision & be strong enough to damn whatever outcome in the future. If you believe that’s the only type of love u desire, then own it, because life has no manual & can be short… Therefore do & get whatever gives u the utmost satisfaction as long as it lasts. Just don’t make the mistake of holding on to something that is not good for you even if it’s good to you, if you don’t have the resolve to bear whatever it comes with in the long run be it pleasant or unpleasant. Also, don’t stay in it with the hope of having it change for the better, it’s best to accept it the way it is & ask yourself if it is worth sacrificing your peace for; if the answer is yes, then by all means, do it. What’s important is to be satisfied with your choice & be prepared to own it in the face of whatever the future may present, whether good or bad, after all, pain or joy is subjective.

This isn’t a direct answer to this dilemma, because like we earlier stated, people change, and situations change; this is however a highlighter to the factors that are hidden in this dilemma with hopes that getting better insights on these factors will influence your choice rightly and sharpen your instincts, propelling you to what brings you the utmost satisfaction.